I got nowhere

I know I haven’t been as silent as I should be lately. I have been quite busy with the issues of life or so I think. And thanks to this newly acquired trait, I haven’t been the effective scribe I ought to be as all I have been hearing from my masters is the the cold sound of silence. So I embraced my pride, for it was the only thing I felt was warm enough to shield me from the cold. And with it I came to believe that I didn’t need them, I could be my own master and write whatever pleases me, after all I can achieve whatever I set my mind to!

So I took out my pen and wrote down all the things that my mind allowed me to. They were so beautiful but whenever I showed it to the world, I realized how transient that beauty was. As transient as a beautiful flower plucked from its tree or like an archer who throws his arrow so skillfully that it attracts all the praises of men but ends up missing the mark! Why is this so? I wondered. And not too long after that, I saw someone signal me with his hand to come over.

When I got there, I was surprised to see the old man, he smiled as always and showed me a cage with a mouse in it. He told me the mouse was a talented runner, infact the fastest of all mice. He then carried the mouse and put it on its treadmill and when it started moving I realized why it was the fastest of them all. I was so impressed by its speed. And as if he read my thoughts, he said to me, don’t be impressed so quickly, watch and learn. He introduced a slice of cheese in front of the treadmill and immediately the mouse increased its speed. Then he introduced another mouse in to the cage and just as the fast mouse saw the other one approach the cheese, it intensified its speed even more. I was totally blown away by its speed but however it was the other mouse that got to eat the cheese

“Boy, what did this cage allow you to see?”, said the old man. I got to see the fastest mouse ever, it is indeed a talented runner. You have seen well, said the old man. This is the fate of all who don’t get to use their talents on the right platform. Like the mouse they are ever running but in fact go nowhere! Everyone sees how talented they are, like you just saw in the mouse, but all that work with their talent never truly pays off. Still wondering why your arrows missed their mark? It’s because you used it on the platform called Pride. And boy, pride is no different from the mouse’s treadmill! (you get to use your talent fully on it but in the end, it doesn’t really take you anywhere)

I quickly let go of my pride and humility came rushing in with the words; “You are just an ordinary boy, however when you are silent enough, you will hear either the little boy or the old man speak. Oh you are but a scribe of the two! So I went back to listening and what I heard, I heard…

I’m nothing by myself.

~I got nowhere~

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Hello, have you met me?

I tried so hard to introduce myself to the world but it couldn’t look past the boy that was before it. I am hidden in this lifeless body of flesh, screaming out hello and no one seems to see or hear me…

Once upon a time, I stared at the world and all it’s contents with my eyes only. And guess what? I saw things as they were on the outside and came to believe that that was all they were made of. I unwisely began tagging and labeling these things by what I had seen of them on the outside. But this fairy tale of mine came to an end the very moment I was old enough to realize how some very beautiful things on the outside gave off very ugly vibes when they were approached. With this realization, I settled on the conclusion that, things were more than what they looked like superficially.

With all this in mind, I decided to stare at the world and it’s contents anew. And boy, everything was different, for I realized the real thing was mostly hidden behind the superficial. However what amazed me most wasn’t the fact that I had missed out on the hidden and real aspect of things but how I used to make fun of other people for what they had no hand in. Like how short, ugly or how big their eyes were. Funny enough that wasn’t even them, it was just their vessel. I was doing all this once upon a time because all I could see in a person was just what light allowed me to see.

From where I stand now, I am saddened as to how we humans can brag about superficial things like our looks (mere vessels) when we couldn’t even choose for ourselves the gender we came into this world with? Oh man, if you ever want to brag, brag about the things you had a hand in and if you ever want to tease another, tease them for what they have control over (so they can at least improve on whatever that is)

World, will you have another look at me now as I attempt to reintroduce myself… Hello, have you met me? And I’m not referring to this lifeless body and what it looks like!

Most people see with light but a few see with light and understanding!

~Hello, have you met me?~

Existential Angst

What is life that we should be here? Oh little spider, do you get to think of all this too?

I closed my eyes for a minute or perhaps more. Opened it again and stretched out my hand to have a look at it. In that moment I didn’t only see my outstretched right hand but also the little spider on my ceiling.

Oh see how real the spider is, how real I am and how very real the world is to contain us both. We were both trapped in what they call life and there was nothing we could do about it but to just exist (live if fortunate enough) as what we think we must be; to the spider, a spider and to me, a man. But what really is a man?

So I thought so hard and long about what all this could possibly be. And after awhile I wondered why I was thinking and why I could think and why I could think of myself thinking whiles I thought. Somewhere along that path, I unknowingly crossed the line that leads man to angst and not too far from that line, “my genius was rebuked” and my fear invoked.

Now I am thinking with fear and with it, everything seems utterly different (scarier) than it should be. For fear led me to the possibility that God could be as real as the little spider, myself and the world if not the only real thing in existence.

All these series of events led to a doorway and beyond it was the numinous experience (one like never before) and nothing material mattered at that very moment (I wonder if the little spider is always having this experience, because nothing material matters to it)

I am comparing this to my other days, and I am now very certain that ordinary days can never quench this thirst that I have!

Oh help me not forget this, for I become like any ordinary man when I do. Ever possessing but never truly becoming…

~Existential Angst~

The Eunuch

Where did my feelings go?
Seems I shoved them down the abyss, that one time my heart had to mutate, never to return again. Now everything is beautiful but it’s thanks to her that it’s so… Where are you wise one?

There was a time in the past that I met a lady. Nothing striking about her (I thought). She said alot of striking things that made no sense to me(thank God I was into mysteries). I could only see the light in her eyes as she went on and on (after all, darkness acknowledges light better). She realized I had to see in order to understand what she was going on about so she gave me her glasses. And from that moment I saw, for the darkness in my eyes was no more… But she insisted I had darkness in my heart too. To fix that she asked me to stare at her face. That was when my eyes met the most beautiful smile ever. And that smile lit up my heart…

Oh lady, you have made everything beautiful to me(this is why I now see beauty in all things).
And with the new state of my heart, I realized she wasn’t just the most beautiful lady, but the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Now, even though I stood, my heart fell terribly at her sight! And there was nothing I could do about it. She held my hands and I saw and understood how it was to get goosebumps without feeling cold. “Don’t let that beautiful heart of yours ever get dark again. I must leave, but now that you see, do well to find me in the world”, she said. I wanted to ask of her name, but my heart had already gotten the answer to that.

So I woke up and told the world my dream. That I had been tasked to find and marry her, whose name only my heart knew (Wisdom). And for that, it branded me a fool. But this fool wasn’t a fool at heart. For he knew exactly what he had seen and heard…

Thus the eunuch was born, for his lover only appeared in the similitude of a dream. And before she is found in this world, his heart will only beat but never work!

~The eunuch~

The feather’s wisdom

The inanimate speak to me sometimes. And when I hear them, I can’t help but share their message. For they have taught me how to listen through their silence (absence of words).

It is said that, a picture is worth a thousand words. So, today I will attempt to buy a thousand words and more with these pictures I captured.

I set my eyes on this feather. How white it was amidst it’s dirty environment. And it spoke to me without uttering words cos I understood exactly the message it had for me.

“When the world surrounds you with filth (evil). Do your best to remain white (pure) For the world needs to know what good is! Be like me boy, be like me!”

And thus spoke the feather without speaking to me.

~The feather’s wisdom~

San; The half-truth of the three

Everyone believes. From everything to nothing. To some, some things are everything to others they are nothing.

Boy, said the old man I have something to tell you, but before that I will have to show you something else. So he showed me two beings: one with x-ray vision and the other had visible light vision. They were both made to look at a dog and report what they saw to me. The one with the x-ray vision’s description was all about bones whiles the other went on and on about the many colours of the dog. Though they both spoke the truth, I could see how they unknowingly saw and understood in parts. The old man had introduced me to the concept of half-truth “Hear my half-truth now scribe. It will be of use not to only those who are in search of it but also those who can hear the voice of wisdom by reason of their understanding”, said the old man.

Every creation, is, because of its creator. It’s always like that, the creation can never be before the creator. However, every well-thought-out creation meets three components of the creator. The Will/Authority of the creator to create it, the Creativity/Power behind its creation and the Image of it in the creator’s mind before it is created!

If you be willing to take it, you will realize the Image can be said to be a creation (the first of all creation) because it is in itself a product of the Will and Creativity. However, like the creator, it is before all creation and the best any creation can be, is the image in the mind of the creator for that is its blueprint.

Now man, with this said, I have only led you to the door. Find the other half of this truth for within it can be found the key to unlock this glorious door. ~San; The half truth of the three~

Within the Dark night

From the glorious day, I entered the night. A night so dark and long. But in order to make good use of this darkness, I decided to do something, something that wouldn’t be affected by this darkness…

I sought the little light in me and with that, I pondered over how far I had come in life. From my entry to this current destination, is this all that life is really about? Is this all life has to offer? – To be born and age with time so as to be later embraced by death? For what? Hmm

Or should I flip this same coin over? Is this all I have to offer life? To move about as a boy? To learn and enjoy what I like and ignore the rest? To have dreams and chase after them? To set goals and fulfill them? To eat and be full? For what? Hmm

Of all the times, why should I be conscious at a time like this? Why should I be found no where else but here? Why should I meet or reach out to someone like you? Why are some embraced earlier by death? For what? Hmm

I have seen and experienced me and yet I want to be more than what I have seen. To be so much in sync with all the good out there. But before that, it seems I have no choice but to acknowledge the cards I have been dealt. For this game started long before I knew I had to play and before I knew it, I had no other but these very cards in my hand to play with. However, I’m not too concerned about winning or losing as I am about why there should be a game in the first place!

It will be time to wake up soon. For I will wake up with the sun. But now I get to wonder what I will do when the light comes. Will I play with the cards I have? Hoping to find the purpose of this game as the winning prize or will I continue wondering why I should play this game!

In the darkest of night, I write too.

~Within the Dark night ~

Way beyond Tony

“I commune with my own heart: and my spirit diligently explores her own hidden world.”

I peer through the curtains called me and I am amazed at what lies beyond it! That which lies beyond it, isn’t the boy that every one sees on the outside but that which thinks and sees itself as the boy…

Tony, Tony, Tony… They called, but I was lost, far gone in thought! I stared through this windscreen of an eye motionlessly and wondered why I should respond to the mentioned name. Am I really Tony? Or have I simply become Tony with time?

I was conceived in a womb and out of the division of cells I was formed. I came into this world, and by a single glance, everyone classified me as a boy because they say I have features that characterize me as such.

My parents knew me not, but since I was theirs, they chose to give me a name(Tony) which I have learnt to respond to over time. They gave a definition to what they didn’t know. However, upon careful observation I have realized I’m not the boy but that which came to accept the boy and the name as his.

I see this in my dog too. As a puppy, I gave it the name Bruno even though I did not know what it really was on the inside, after all it’s mine! But now I wonder if the poor dog is really Bruno because it responds to it’s name or it has become Bruno because I gave it that identity…

What then is this in me that has come to accept Tony as it’s name and self. For just like my parents, I also know it not, as it seems to be currently out of my reach. Do I then forget about it and just go with who the boy called Tony is?

Oh wretched man, who will save me? For I don’t know what I really am(even though I know it’s in there). I have just accepted the identity that was put before me! What I have become now is what I have accepted as this boy. But what lies way beyond this boy are all the wonderful things he is yet to accept, for that which interacts in this world through this boy seems to be alot more powerful than the boy himself. And there’s definitely alot more to become than what he is now!

Man, get to know that which lies with in you and you will be amazed by who you really are!

And even though I don’t yet know and understand that which lies with in, I can however boldly say that, that which lies with in me is way beyond this boy(Tony).

“Man know thyself”.

~Way beyond Tony~

The old man and the little boy

As a scribe, I have done exactly what I am supposed to do. Yes, to put into words the thoughts of the old man and the little boy. But today, instead of being just their pen, I decided to be a pen with a mind. I wondered who these two entities really were and why I should even hear them when I am silent.

The old man decided to break the silence with his words, “Be attentive and hear me son, that you may gain insight”.

Blessed is the one who finds wisdom and the one who gets understanding, for the gain from her is better than the gain from silver and her profit better than gold. She is more precious than jewels and nothing you desire can be compared with her.

… in all thy getting, get understanding. For only understanding can hear the voice of wisdom!

Doesn’t a man become what he has in his heart? Thus, one becomes a lawyer when he studies the law and puts the law in his heart. A very good lawyer is one that has made the law a part of his being! So was my case, when I was a man, I had good and evil in my heart but I sought and found wisdom and understanding, for he who seeks finds. However, these two are very ancient(old) for they were there even before the foundation of the world. And when they formed a part of my being, I became them and was made the old man you see. This is why I seem to know all things for the Creator possessed me at the beginning of his work, for I was the first of his acts old.

The little boy spoke next… “Beloved, listen to the little I have to say”

For by faith we understand that the universe was created by the word of God so that what is seen was made of things that are invisible… Without faith it’s impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

Love is the golden cord that binds the 10 commandments into one. It’s strong enough to open the human heart so that truth can enter in and cause it to understand. If one is full of love, he doesn’t need commands of any kind!

You see me as a little boy now, but when I was a man, I also had good and evil at heart. Like the old man, I sought and I found. I found faith and love. But what I found could only be received as a little child. And when I laid hold of them, I became the little boy you see. For these two were found sitting on the seat of trust and who else has access to this seat but little children?

Just as the old man knows why things are the way they are, I am the reason for everything and if only you would believe me, you would realize everything is possible with me. For the Creator is always pleased with those who have me.

Love is the force that allows man to go beyond himself and do more than he can offer. Do not marvel because you have seen over and over again that elements are subject to me, for the mighty powers of the world unseen do not give forth their help till men have done their best, they only help when men can do no more(hence love is the key). And this is why I’m obeyed when I speak, for I am love and the Creator is love too…

The old man spoke once more, “You hear us when you are silent because, you, oh scribe! have the heart of a child and the mind of an old man. You have a lot more to hear but your understanding doesn’t yet allow you to hear some of the things I have to say or even see what the little boy has to show”. For this reason, I will leave you with this, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and the knowledge of the Holy one is understanding”.

Go man and know the Holy one for there’s a lot more to be seen or heard from us!

~Thus spoke the old man and the little boy~

NB: This is to all those who wondered who they were. You can now revisit my older posts.

The state of things

I have often wondered what the true state of things was. Like if there’s anything good or bad on its own.

“Come and listen to what I have to say concerning this”, said the old man. Do you not know that everything used for it’s rightful purpose will be good? If you are to consider an axe, you would realize it was made to split or chop wood. So he who uses the axe for it’s purpose does good and that makes the axe a good thing. However, he who wrongly uses the axe for lack of knowledge of it’s proper use e.g. using the axe to kill his fellow man, makes the axe a bad thing by virtue of the evil that is in him. Is the axe then a good or bad thing?

I have something else to show you, come and see… I saw two boys; one was a teetotaler but had the seed of avarice growing in his heart, the other’s heart had the seed of drunkness sprouting in it. I saw money and alcohol (which aren’t bad) on a table not too far from them. The amazing thing was that, even though they both saw the money and alcohol, what they saw had different effects on them. As what was on the outside(money and alcohol) stimulated what was already in their “inside”; to one the urge to get drunk and the other the urge to have all the money to himself. It seemed as though what was on the outside(even though it wasn’t bad) brought up the bad that was inside of them and with that badness, they made the alcohol and money bad things. Imagine we take out those seeds in their hearts, what do you think will be the state of the money and alcohol to these same boys?

Now that you know that things on the outside only bring out the good or bad in our hearts, let’s consider this popular quote then; “To the pure all things are pure”. A careful look at this saying makes it clear that impurity starts with you and not what is on the outside. So the half naked lady you see across the street and blame for your impure thoughts is no different from the alcohol or money on the table. She only brings to light what you have in your heart. For I am pretty sure if you are normal, the same half naked lady wouldn’t have the same effect on you if she happened to be your sister. What changed wasn’t on the outside for it’s the same lady, the difference was in the fact that you knew and believed in your heart that she was your sister and with that, what was on the outside ceased to bring out the same impure thoughts as earlier. Simply because, buried in your heart is a form of purity for your sister.

Oh! seeker of understanding, do you now realize how purity or impurity of your heart changes your perception of what lies on the outside? Stop putting all the blame on what is on the outside and learn to rather let the outside help point out your inward impurities for what is already inside of you is what gets stimulated!

~The state of things~